So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
