I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
