This girl is more easily done than said...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
