Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
