I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
