You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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