I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
