I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
