I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
