Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
