Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
