i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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