Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
