did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
