I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
