Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
