we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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