Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
