so explain again why im purple
no
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
