I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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