HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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