Betty ford says i'm here all night
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
