I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
