You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I could make wine with my vomit
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize
