Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Sext me about skeletons
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
