just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
