puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
