I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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