just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
