i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
