he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
