Please, let me fuck your mom
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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