Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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