you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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