life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
