He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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