dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
