Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
