You're my little dorito
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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