apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
