Pants 0. Shit 1.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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