Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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