either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
