If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
