Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
