so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Randomize
