The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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