I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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