making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
