how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
