Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
